Emotionally Unstable

Every time I think of the things we do in SR, it keeps on reminding me of the crazy things we always do in CBSS. Then before I know it I will start crying. I really hated myself for not cherishing the time I had in CBSS. So what if it was a lousy school. So what if it a school that no one knows about it. To me it was a school that I like. I miss the time we had there, the funny things we do in class, the time where Ervin they all was defiance to the teachers, when we start to copy homework in the morning cause we did not do or when we where doing it during accounts lesson. I miss the people there the most, my teachers, friends and the aunts who work at the shops there. If only I can control time i really want to relive my secondary school years.
Why I cannot go NY? Why Wei Ming can enter NY but I cannot? I really don't get it. Is god playing with me? WHY? Can god give me an answer NOW? I do not want to wait for time to slowly reveal everything. Cause I am unhappy with the results. I think my faith is dropping faster than time. There are also other things which I hated and after so many years i still don't know why had god given it to me. Top on the list are my family members not including my mother, father and brother. My aunts and uncles keep on saying bad things about me behind my back. You guys think I don't know but you are wrong. When me and my brothers were small we were given toys for Christmas present. But those toys were what their children play until spoil or don't want to play. I remember my brother keep on crying cause his toy plane was broken. They also ask their children to keep away from me cause my results were bad. I was only a small boy, even a small kid you all also want to bully is it? I remember my mom always cry because of me, because my results were bad she will get scolded by my grandmother. It is not my mom's fault that I get bad results. Can you all get the facts right before you all start scolding her? Every time I see my mom crying I always lock myself in the room and start crying cause I know it is my fault that she is crying. Then recently I told my aunt I was enjoying my 3 months of break. She send me home then before I leave her car she told me in a sarcastic way to enjoy my break. I really hate them. Every time their children score bad results they just say not as bad as Bernard can liao. I know I have bad results but do you have to say it out. I know you all hated me cause I enjoy more and don't suffer any exams stress, but do you have to with compare me? Why can't you compare with my better couSIN? This is the main reason I want to go to Malaysia to stay with the relatives from my mother's side. I also remember my father and mother wrote me a letter saying they are sorry for bringing me to Singapore. To tell the truth I was not suppose to be in the world. I was a child born earlier by if I recall 2-3 months. I was suppose to die but god made the doctors save me. Why did god save me? To make me suffer? A lot of question have been going through my head. The only times when i enjoyed myself was when I was in Malaysia and in secondary school. The rest of my life I hated it. Maybe the JC life will also be an enjoyment, I still don't know. Well after writing all my hatred I feel so much better. Guys when you read this I beg you all not to tell anyone. This is one of the reasons I did not tell much people about my blog. And yes, no more huhs.